


Much Ado About Coffee

by babywarg (morphaileffect)



Series: Ironstrange Bingo [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Comedy, M/M, Short, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 21:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17988824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morphaileffect/pseuds/babywarg
Summary: No powers AU. Tony and Stephen meet for the first time at a cafe and get their orders switched. Repeatedly.





	Much Ado About Coffee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tuples](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuples/gifts).



> I'm once more recycling Thomas, the barista from my earlier slice-of-life fics [Sanctum](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16908690) and [The Subtle Art and Science of Forgetting](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16961310).
> 
> But this is a meet cute (or maybe the better term is “meet snark”) set in a no-powers AU, which means it doesn't follow the same timeline as the two earlier fics.
> 
> Based on a prompt by [Clair](https://www.instagram.com/claircolors/). Another late birthday present :D
> 
> For the Ironstrange Bingo square “Curse.” Relevance to the prompt is very slight, but I still hope to get away with it XD PURE SILLINESS. You’ve been warned.

"This isn't my order."

The two patrons said it at the same time. Naturally, they stared each other down.

Although one of them, the shorter one, also looked the taller one over, as if checking him out - not that the taller one cared about this, of course.

The young barista behind the counter who wore a nameplate saying "Thomas" took the cups from the patrons’ hands and inspected the contents.

"Oh no," he said with the appropriate apologetic tone. "I'm really sorry, Dr. Strange. And, uh..." He glanced at the name on one of the cups he was holding. "...Tony. Looks like the new kid got your orders mixed up. I'll make you a new batch right away." He turned around and got to work immediately.

"Hey, Thomas, mind making mine first?" Tony called loudly. "It's just a double-shot black and I have a meeting, so actually, just make it to go. Chop-chop!"

He clapped his hands. Taller guy visibly bristled and glared at him.

"Really? You just -" He clapped his hands mockingly. "- and things magically happen for you, huh?"

"Well, usually, people get my order right the first time," Tony answered quickly. "So I don't have to - " And clapped his hands again, closer to taller guy's face this time. “The magic happens all by itself.”

The taller guy - Dr. Strange, if Thomas was correct - grunted, unfazed.

"Figures," he mumbled - purred, more like, with his deep, silky voice. "I read somewhere that people who like black coffee are psychopaths."

"Oh yeah? That means you read too much, nerd."

Strange stared down at him. Tony defiantly stared back up.

"That wasn't even a burn," Strange pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," Tony nonchalantly replied. "Nerds are cool. But I bet I could’ve come up with something more clever if I had a little bit of caffeine in me."

Somehow this struck Strange as amusing. A corner of his lips rose.

"Black coffee for Tony?" Thomas weakly called out from behind the counter, as if he was afraid to interrupt.

Tony tore his eyes away from Strange with some difficulty.

"You're a gem, Thomas," he said as he accepted his new cup - which he raised as a toast to Strange. "Later, nerd."

"Later, douchebag," Strange answered. Tony ignored him and strode out of the cafe, already taking a sip of the coffee in his hand.

After Tony had gone, Thomas went back to preparing a new cup of coffee that was rich, creamy and sweet, as his regular liked it.

Strange asked Thomas, "Does he come here often?"

Thomas shrugged. "First time I saw him, Doc."

"And you just had to get our orders mixed up on his first day here, huh?" Strange smirked. "Hope he comes back. If he doesn't, he's missing out on really good coffee."

Thomas scratched the back of his head, embarrassed.

"Don't worry, Doc," he assured his regular. "We won’t mess up his order again, in case he comes back."

 

 

***

 

 

"Thomas, you’re killing me, man..."

The lamentation in Tony's voice was clear as he set his paper cup down on the counter.

" _Not_ black," he emphasized, gesturing to the milky brown liquid in the cup.

"Seriously, Thomas. Second day in a row."

Tony recognized those dulcet tones. This was Strange, coming up behind him, a paper cup of very black coffee in hand.

Strange set this cup down on the counter with a long, dramatic sigh.

"What's up, short stuff," he greeted, without looking at Tony.

"S'up, nerd," Tony greeted back.

"I'm _so_ sorry, guys," Thomas pleaded, "it's the new kid. She gets you two mixed up, I'm not sure how..."

"I understand how the similarities in facial hair can be confusing?" Tony gesticulated with his hands. "But I assure you, I am _nothing_ like this guy."

Strange's eyebrow rose. "And what exactly does 'like this guy' mean?"

"Hey, don't take it personally," Tony said defensively. "I'm nothing like _any_ guy. You just happen to be the guy who's here, getting confused with me, for some reason."

"Come to think of it, you're right." Strange leaned back against the counter, folded his arms across his chest. "We're nothing alike. Unless you also have a PhD in neurobiology and tons of successful surgeries under your belt."

"Oh, yeah, none of that," Tony scoffed, planting one hand on the counter and leaning his weight on it. "All I got is three doctorates and a multi-billion-dollar tech company to run. Your nerdly brains blow mine clear out of the water."

" 'Nerdly brains,’ " Stephen chuckled. "That just gave it away. You have no more brain than I have in my elbows."

Tony puffed himself up like an indignant peacock, stepped (or swaggered?) away from the counter.

“I see you know your Shakespeare,” he said threateningly. "Do you bite your thumb at me?"

"I do bite my thumb, sir," Strange replied.

 _"Do you bite your thumb at me?"_ Tony raised his voice now.

_"I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir."_

What followed was the most magnificent back-and-forth of Shakesperean insults that perhaps the regular patrons of that little cafe in Greenwich Village were ever treated to.

Thomas and the other young baristas watched in fascination, admiration, and maybe a little terror.

It lasted for a good ten minutes. After which, Tony swiped the cup of black coffee from Strange's side of the counter and made as if to leave.

"It’s been fun, but I gotta run. Later, you luxurious mountain goat." He took a long, deep swig of the coffee - which had probably gone a little cold already, but he didn't seem to care.

"Later." Strange smirked at him. "You three-inch fool."

 _"You crusty batch of nature!!"_ Tony called over his shoulder from the doorway.

There was a stunned silence from the rest of the cafe.

Then, some scattered clapping - like people weren't sure what they had just witnessed, or if they were even permitted to admit it was awesome.

Strange gave a theatrical bow, and the clapping died down.

"He probably should've checked if you've already drunk out of that cup," Thomas muttered.

Strange thought about this for a moment. Shrugged as he decided it didn't matter. Then took the cup that Tony had left behind, took a casual sip out of it.

He didn't check if Tony had already drunk from it, either.

 

 

***

 

"I hope they got your order right this time."

Strange looked up from the book he was reading. Without asking for permission, Tony pulled up the chair opposite him, set his ceramic cup of black coffee down on Strange's table.

Tony was smiling. The smile put him at ease immediately.

"Yeah, they did," Strange answered. "Looks like our beverage-swapping curse has been lifted."

"Guess that means it's safe to start fresh." Tony extended his hand. "Tony Stark. You're Doctor Strange, right?"

He remembered. Strange softened up a bit more.

"Stephen Strange." He shook Tony's hand. "Call me Stephen, please."

"Stephen. Okay. I'm Tony." Tony kept his gaze on Strange's face, as if matching the name with the color of his eyes. "Hey, listen, I hope I didn't overstep my bounds last time. It's just that coffee is essential to my morning routine and lack of caffeine brings out my worst."

"That was your worst?" Stephen grunted. "I'd hate to think of how sharp you are in top form."

"Well...stick around and find out." Tony took a sip of his coffee, sighed contentedly. "God, this is good coffee. I was told this part of the Village had the best coffee. I wasn't told it had the most interesting people, though, so that was a nice surprise."

Was that a compliment? Yes, that was a compliment. After the snarkfest from last time, Stephen had to double-check.

"I hope you’re up for another surprise." Stephen shut the book he was reading, handed it to Tony. "Actually, I was hoping you'd stop by again. I got this for you. I was just flipping through it to pass the time."

Tony accepted the book, bewildered. "You got me something?"

Stephen shrugged. "I had access to it. And judging by our previous interactions, it seemed like something you'd like."

Tony glanced down at the book. He seemed stunned to see what it was. "Oh, wow," he breathed.

Stephen suddenly found himself nervous. "It's, er," he began, "first edition. _Tales of King Arthur and the Round Table,_ the Lang retelling." He studied Tony's face, which was hard to read at that point. "...You don't like it?"

"It's not that," Tony said, still transfixed by the book. "It's just...when it comes to getting me gifts, people don't usually get it right on the first try."

Stephen smiled. He wasn't expecting to feel so relieved. But apparently, he'd been more hopeful that Tony would like his gift, than he'd been initially aware of.

"See," he quipped, "you didn't even have to clap your hands."

Tony didn’t come into the café with a gift for Stephen, but he gave Stephen a gift right there:

He laughed, and his laugh was rich and heartfelt and sweet.

Just as Stephen liked it.


End file.
